First let me say that this can be a hard road for many for those going through it and the loved one's being there along the way.

Perhaps the hardest part for me has been feeling overwhelmed that there seemed to be one issue after another. To the point that I was hesitant to call my Dr with a new issue. I didn't want to be seen as a hypochondriac.

So Let's start at the beginning shall we? After my daughter was born I had to have an embelica hernia repair. Standard procedure something that can happen after pregnancy. I had the cutest little button on my belly when I was pregnant though. But then it started to hurt cue getting it fixed 6 months post c-section.

After my son was born my quality of life drastically altered. Pregnancy brings on many aches and pains, many will nod when I say sciatica is a pain many feel in their rears while pregnant ;) Which is what I felt with my son. But the pain while I slept didn't change after I had him, in fact 3 months after having him my legs would start to feel really sore by the close of the day. After a week of it constantly doing this my Dr and I thought an MRI was necessary to rule out something wrong with my Piriformis muscle. To both of our surprise the issue was more than that, I had a herniated disk in my L4 that was causing Spinal Stenosis. In a matter of 2 months post diagnosis I could no longer walk due to the nerve pain. I'll save you the long story about those 2 months just know there was a lot of pain and a little 4 month old baby boy that I couldn't hold and in the end could only lay next to for quality time. I became an observer of my kids and families life. Surgery was required to alleviate the pain.

Fast forward to this year I've been plagued with Dizzy Spells that made me feel drunk and so out of it. I had a similar spell that landed me in the hospital for Dominic that showed nothing. At the time they did an MRA to rule out blood flow issues.  So a month ago I went to get yet another MRI as Vestibular Migraines just weren't adding up. Oh and did I mention my embellica Hernia surgery from when my daughter was born will likely need to be revised?

Even typing all of this I feel the need to explains if I'm trying to get a head of the judgement. Yes I know it's one thing after another, yes I realize it's shitty but here's the thing it's all TIED TOGETHER. Believe me when I say I feel so much guilt that I've needed this much TLC since my first hernia surgery. I love my husband dearly for all that he does without complaint but I still feel immense guilt.

My Brain MRI ended with my doctor calling me to let me know I had Chiari Malformation and here I am.

How am I feeling right now? I don't know that it's sunk in but I know just like anything else in life we'll fight it and overcome. I will try not to let this define me it'll just be a part of who I am but not all of who I am if that makes sense. Now I may look back on this later in life and shake my head at this naive statement. But for now I have to hope that we'll find our footing and figure this out with heads held high and a fighting spirit.

I also already find myself shying away from telling friends everything. I'm dreading the comments I'm going to get about the insinuation of another procedure or another thing that's wrong with me. I don't like having all these issues, trust me. But I can't help it and believe me it's 10x's more frustrating to deal with then to hear about it all the time.

Well it's been a hot minute since I've been on here hasn't it?!

4 years since my daughter is born and 2 years since my son was born! Yep we were blessed with another little one :)

As a mom of 2 I find I'm still learning new things every day. from the what's this rash to "Will the terrible two's ever end? Because I think we've got a Fiesty Four!"

TLC Mom was born out of a need to blog my daughters life. But in reality TLC Mom to me is now about how Mom's can take care of themselves. It's about following my journey as a Mom to find a satisfying balance of self love, mommy time, family time and work time.

I come back to this blog as I'm in need of a space to work through current life situations. To Blog this new Journey and Diagnosis as well as continue to share beauty tips and life as I begin with this Chiari Malformation Diagnosis and possible EDS.

TLC MOM is forever going to morph and likely be a bit eclectic in terms of a solid theme. But what I can promise is laughter that's good for the soul and perhaps some tears of comfort knowing you're not alone in motherhood or managing any Chronic Illness.

Things I've learned since becoming a mother.

It's scary and full of unknowns: The first day(well night) they put my daughter in my arms and she nestled in as she breast fed. It was euphoric. She was here after all those years, all those tears our little angel was here. Then the fear set in. Now I had to provide for this little being keep her safe from the many dangers that awaited her.

The first week I was terrified of the night. I know it sounds dumb but I was. I'd waking up worrying if she was still breathing. I feared the night because I feared what could happen to her while I wasn't able to watch her. I feared SID's and read / heard far to many horror stories that if I could have legitimately put my daughter in a bubble for those first 6 to 8 months I would have.

It's Rewarding- Never once have I felt resentment or overwhelmed by this little girl. Yes motherhood is hectic but all of it, every single little headache and sleepless night is worth it. Her smile and little newborn giggle just melted my heart. Now that she's a 2 year old her maturity and growth astounds me. She has so much personality and certainly asserts herself when she wants something. She presents as a true leader and goes to her own tune. Very outgoing and isn't shy with new people. She will welcome them with wide open arms "Come on in".

The things they didn't mention - More often then not you'll become that first time mom. Worrying about her/him when they get sick. Going in with a slight fever because you don't know what to do. It's new and it's a new journey you still haven't learned the ropes to yet. There's a reason why there are umpteen books out there on different theory's and methodologies on how to raise a child. That's because parenting, choices and raising a child is different for everyone for both the parents and the child.

Be aware of your emotions please. All to often PPD is spoken about but PPA is rarely if ever discussed. I didn't know that my anxiety around SIDS and the degree the anxiety overtook me was apart of PPA. My husband and I were on the look out for baby blues but we weren't looking out for PPA signs because we didn't even know it was a thing. I just thought it was normal to have such a paralyzing fear keep me up at night, make me cry and as I said earlier fear the night. If something doesn't feel right please don't chalk it up to this must be normal. It never hurts to just go over things with your doctor.

It's okay to second guess it's okay to be scared and ask for advice. I can't tell you how many times I've approached her daycare provider to ask her for tips on how to do something. There is little humility in saying hey I need help and I know you know the ropes better than I do. Parenting is a huge commitment, it brings so many challenges, rewarding moments and unsure territory. Just when you think you have it all figured out things change and that's okay.

As scary as it can be at times especially with the way our world is today, take a moment to breath it in, take a moment to reward everything you've done, your partner has done for your family. Enjoy it because it goes by so fast.

Spring is here!! I'm an all seasons kind of gal who doesn't normally get so vocal about spring arriving. But after this cold winter filled with mounds of snow I'm a bit delighted to go outside with my family without having to bundle everything.

This weekend was absolutely divine. So much so we were able to finally get to work outside on some yard work that was so desperately needed. Anastasia played with her mega blocks and on occasion rushed to the back side of the house where the dog was being vocal in his kennel. Not to mention her fascination with rocks. What is it with kids, rocks and their mouths? I'd ask Anastasia to put the rock down, to which she'd actually listen, but in bending down and placing the rock ever so nicely on the ground her hand started searching for another rock. She's too smart for her own good :P. I'm really looking forward to our first full spring/summer in our own home. The garden plans we have are already being set in motion (which I must say I'm proud of us for. It's easy to put it off and honestly in other rental homes I was always so 'meh' about weeding and garden bed upkeep. But when it's your own property I actually took delight in weeding and turning up the garden beds.

Little miss Anastasia has been doing well. Her language is starting to really take off. She now says one, two, three on her own. Her eating is meh, could be better. She's like her father picky picky picky. She could dine on fruit and veggies and be perfectly happy with that.

I'm as always enjoying watching her grow and become this little girl, with a spirited and inquisitive mind. Always so expressive some times in a not so pretty way ;). She keeps us on our toes and ALWAYS laughing.

This year we've also started making more of an effort to skype. Especially with my family who is so far away. I'm amazed at where technology has taken us and the fact that I can see the ones I love and not feel so detached is really really nice. Seeing my little niece and nephews is awesome. You don't feel like they're going to forget you. Having Anastasia see her cousins and grandparents helps her become familiar with them.

Welcome spring, many have waited for you to arrive.

Including this blue eyed beauty

Did I ever mention how much teething bites (no pun intended). Poor girl is getting her bottom molars in and you can just tell she's in so much discomfort. The way she moves her jaw, the non stop drooling and irritability.

It's one of those things you just want to hurry up and be over with so they aren't in so much pain. I keep telling myself this will soon pass and I know it will. But even through her discomfort she finds ways to brighten your day.

I had a photography session yesterday with one of my clients who I've been taking photos of since she was a newborn. In a few days she'll be one and it's been such an amazing experience watching her grow and capturing those moments for her and her family.

After we were done our modular flooring was picked up and packed back in the box. For some reason Anastasia had an infatuation with just sitting on this box looking like she was on top of the world. The lighting was perfect and I happened to have my camera on hand... of course ;).

This was one of my favorites out of the ones I took of Anastasia.

What a beautiful soul

This photo blows me away, not only because I love what I was able to capture as a photographer, but her beauty not just in appearance but through her eyes and in her relaxed facial expression. This to me says so much and truly exemplifies the saying. "A photo is worth 1000 words."

So through all of this teething and extra cuddles (can't be upset about those!) she still finds ways to make you awestruck at the little person she's becoming. Full of energy, talks talks and talks (Like her father.. ;) Okay maybe like her mother as well). Not to mention perhaps one of the best huggers in the world. The way this girl wraps those tiny arms around your neck drawing you in with all her might, just makes you grateful. <3

I've been hankering to make a quilt. For a bit I wasn't sure who I'd make the quilt for then it dawned on me, I have yet to make anything for us and our bedroom.

SO I set out on a bit of a search with pinterest's help to figure out what design I think would look best.

Then came the even harder part, the color theme. I have such a hard time visualizing the colors all together in a finished quilt. So while looking on fabric.com and adding things to my design wall (a nifty tool that I'm thankful for). I still didn't feel satisfied, I mean I knew color wise they were a good fit but what about when you start making it into a quilt. It's a different story all together.

It was at this time that Photoshop was calling my name. I picked out my design (the disappearing 4 patch quilt). I copied the photos on fabric.com and put them into my Photoshop. I then started dissembling and reassembling as if I would with a rotary cutter and sewing machine.

I was finally able to get a real time visual of what my quilt would look like (minus dimensions) before committing to the fabric.

Here is my finished design. For those who may be interested in what fabrics I used for this digital preview of my quilt, well 2 versions. I'll have to get Paul's input on which one he would like on our bed. 

Fabrics:

1. Oriental Traditions Metallic Flower Bunches Antique
2. Oriental Traditions Metallic Delicate Vines Natural

One panel of the quilt

I wanted to show our appreciation to Anastasia's Daycare Provider. So in my pinterest searches I found this great idea and quote. "It takes a big heart to help shape little minds". I'll be using the design I made that I'm making available to you today (Sorry it's just shy of Valentines day everyone) This can be used for any occasion really :). I'll blog about what I've done with the print once I have everything together.


Enjoy everyone.