Sorry for the repeat topic of my unsure nature regarding continuing with breastfeeding. I stopped breast feeding for the past few days I had maybe one feed in there. Then I just got anxious and it didn't feel right, and needless to say neither does continuing to breast feed. I'm stuck in this limbo land with regards to my feelings and frankly it's driving me batty.
So what did I do yesterday? Told DH I was giving it one more chance. Internally I'm thinking "Girl what are you diong!?!" Starting tonight I'll be getting up every 2 hours to help build my supply. I'l be upping my supplement intake to the recommended dosage. Pumping will become something I'm going to greatly resent I can feel it now. But I'm just do damn stubborn. I battled through infertility for 4 years and finally got our take home miracle. I don't know how to move on from this. If I do it feels like I'm giving up, and I in a way hate that this is how I view it and see it as.
So what do I do? Challenge myself, keep going. You get 0.25 oz? fine you get nothing? Fine. See where it goes, try to build that supply and see where it goes. Mind you this is my own messed up internal monolog. I just don't know how to give up even if it's truly in my best interest, the only thing I know to do is to push on. I should have seen this coming, I should have known better than to think I'd drop it and be done with it. My night time alarm is even labeled "You go girl!"
In this great big world.... please tell me I'm not the only women and mother out there going back and forth like this so much. And in such extremes.
And with that I'm off to pump.
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Don't beat yourself up so much. Pumping in general is so hard, and not the best way to gauge what kind of supply you have. You may still have a great supply, Baby is best way to get milk. Pumping doesn't get near as much milk as a baby can. I have a good supply and still don't get the best from pumping. It started out good, but now that I'm in week three of work, its becoming a smaller amount each day. The same thing happened with my first. I think stress has a big part of it. If you are still contemplating the breastfeeding thing, just pump what you can, and directly feed her the source when you can. Don't feel bad if you have to supplement with formula. I pumped what I can and had the sitter give formula when she ran out of bm for the day. And then bf when I got home from work. I did that for a year. Whatever you decide don't feel bad about it, bottom line you do what's best for you and your precious baby girl. :)
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