The life of a working mother is obviously a little different from those who are able to be Stay at home mom (SAHM). Being a working mother for some isn't a choice, for others there is a luxury of choice. I want to preface this by saying I respect anyone who is a SAHM that is your choice and you stand by those choices you made.
As a working mother I was blessed to have the choice in if I wanted to be at home with our daughter or not. Now this choice may cause controversy for some, but it's my choice I'm comfortable with it, my family is fine with it and truthfully that's all that should ever matter when it comes to decisions like this. My career is part of who I am. I worked hard to get the degree I did, I would for me only feel like I wasted all those hard years spent in a classroom if I was a stay at home mom. My career is every bit a part of my identity (well a little less) as being a mother is. Doesn't mean I'm less of a mother for it, I'm still a loving, caring, providing mother no matter what.
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| Hands are yummy!... keep talking |
I like having my daughter in a daycare setting. I feel like she's getting used to different surroundings. She has been rather all over the place since she was born, not something we planned on mind you. But, this has proven to actually be a good things in terms of her temperament towards change. We have already been at 2 daycare providers and also had our wonderful mother in law watch her for 2 months in our home. Anastasia has shown great social skills and at this point very little attachment anxiety. She freely goes into anothers arms and smiles widely at them. Which is what I want, I don't want her to cease functioning because I'm not with her. It's not good for her and not good for me. It has taught me that I need to let go, that she will be just fine and guess what, she is. I must admit this has always been a huge fear of mine. I realize we're not at the age where this attachment and anxiety is at it's full force but I feel we're doing the best we can to make it less sever. I never wanted my daughter so afraid or so anxious without me or my husband. I want her to feel secure that mommy and daddy would never choose the wrong person to care for her. That she'll be okay and that we're always be there for her when she needs us. But for us we feel learning that independence now at a young age will be a good asset to have as she grows up. Independence is not to be confused with being unloved or that we would just give her to people all the time. On contrary, if it's not needed I would rather have my daughter in my arms when I get to see her and be with her. With anything Balance is key!
For our family this was a great move. There's something to be said about socialization. She is interacting with kids every day seeing new faces. I won't have any fears about when it comes time for her to be in a classroom setting. She'll know how to play with other children and be used to that social setting.
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| Simon Says? |
I've been asked and had the following statements said to me.
"But won't you miss her firsts?"
Umm No. I find a lot of the time there's this huge emphasis put on being there the first time they do something. The way I see it is when my daughter does something for the first time in front of me, it is the first time. I will greet her actions with just as much excitement jubilation. For our family it will be the first time. We won't be there for all of our children's firsts, our husbands and partners won't either. So for me it's silly to put an emphasis on being there for the first first first time they do something. It won't ever take away from those memories for us when she does it in front of us for the first time. It's just not something that upsets me.
"I don't want someone else raising my child."
Can I tell you how much this statement is a slap to the face of a working mother? You have in one swoop not only tried to make us feel guilty but also question our roles in our childs life. It to me seems to forget that we are there for our children. We kiss their bobo's when they are hurt, stay up with them all night when they are sick, encourage and work with them on growth and development. Worry, are their financial provider, snuggle buddy and inspiration. I wonder what people who say this think about kids when they suddenly have to go to school? Wouldn't the teachers then be 'raising' your kids and not you, in what is a very impressionable time in their life? I feel like this is said a lot as a way to guilt and shame a working mother. Not cool. We are all mothers and fathers by the fact that we care for our child feed them, keep a roof over their heads, love them unconditionally all while pulling out every last strand of our hair. We signed up to do this job and not take it lightly.
"You get a break"
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha ... right.. Because work isn't .. well you know work? We clearly go off on vacation every morning, sipping our coffee never missing breaks for meetings or deadline work that needs to be done. Because we don't stress or aren't pulled in 10 different ways, wearing 4 different hats. Impossible if you're at work. you clearly get a nice break from life and just get to enjoy yourself. Also lets not forget all of the work that we have to do at home is still waiting for us in a shorter span to do it in. We work 24/7 we just switch hats.
I guess my point to all of this is that people need to open their eyes and be respectful to each parents decision. IT seems like social media has made it easier for people to passive aggressive put down one person or another in many ways. It's great to have an opinion on how you do things. I've stated what I do above. So long as your choices aren't hurting others or putting others in harms way then great. Don't however pass your way off as the right way and put others down for a choice they feel is best for their family or their life.
As far as parenting goes the only criteria you should have go through your head is the following.
Do they provide for their child?
a. Roof over their head.
b. Love, attention and affection
c. food in their bellies.
d. Safe environment
This is all you should worry yourself with. If that is being met and the child is not in harms way, then I ask you the following: What does it matter if they don't follow what you do with yours, to a T or even a little?
In closing the choices we've made for our daughter is one that we're okay with and comfortable with. She's a very happy and healthy girl who we love beyond words can truly express. Try to tell me otherwise after looking at these photos.
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