Choosing to be a better version of you

Today I found myself looking at an article on how to be a better person. Wiki how , on how to be a better person. Say what? I feel like I've been a shitty friend and wife. The mother part I think I'm doing well at but I feel like in focusing my efforts on being a mother I've let certain things fall by the way side.

I truly want to know how I can be a better person. This is a change I want to make. My life has been spent for the last 5 years in a horrible fog one that wasn't pleasant because of our struggles. I hoped against all logic that once I was a mother the old me would return without much/any work on my part. I was wrong and in all actuality it's gotten worse because I'm neglecting me a bit and being a wife.

I need to push past the negativity in my life and start getting positive. With that I read the article. Step 1 was becoming more self aware. Realizing this is a good start right? I realize I'm reacting to stress at bit more of a dramatic level than I'm comfortable with. I don't treat people as nice as I should, I'm not as invested in those I love as much as I should. What happened to the kind caring and giving person I used to be. Sure parts of me are still there but I just want to get back there and the work it's going to take is a bit daunting but NEEDS to happen.

The article photo is of a women writing down her goals. "1. Be Healthy" the first point reads. Then "2. Loose 10lbs." I guess some of our unhappiness with ourselves comes from our body image. But I don't want to focus my efforts on my body. If I lead a healthier life style that will likely be a good by product. By healthier life style I'm referring to a more positive life. Enjoying life, not waiting for something to happen. These past few weekends while tiring have been amazing and a lot of fun. Going out and doing things even if they don't require money, just getting out and making memories. Makes me feel accomplished, like we're doing something with our life. To many times I've looked forward to the weekends on the sheer premise that it was my relaxing time. Yes it's important for mental health to have some down days, but every day and every weekend? Needs to stop. My focus won't be on my body. But getting out and LIVING. Getting out and enjoying my surroundings.

Another fault is Picking my battles. have you ever just argued for arguments sake? I've noticed I do it a lot lately. Almost like I'm looking for something to be wrong. Looking for a fight. Am I that 'angry' in my life that I've stooped so low? Ouch.

I don't want to be this type of an example for my daughter. I want her to not only love me for the mother I am, but see me as the devoted wife and loving friend. I'll get there. Day by day, choosing a positive thought over a negative one. It's hard not to loose yourself in being happy for the blessings of a child. I admit I thought it was going to be so easy to manage life as a mother, wife and friend. I have been smacked with the reality stick and now I need to make better efforts to make what I want a reality.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. Love and hugs.