Having a C-Section does NOT mean you failed

 
I know this is a very heavy topic. But it's a topic that hit my news-feed on Facebook this past weekend. During our big move (eepp!! We're home owners YAY! Another post I promise).

The topic is kind of something that seems to be a mommy wars one, which I don't entirely understand. The post that came up basically (albeit they did clarify in a later post) saying that every baby should be able to fit and alluding to the fact that c-sections are not necessary. Also to not trust the doctors measurements as an indicator if you should have a scheduled c-section or not (which I will agree with and have no problem with that part). The thing that got me the most was the comments. "I'm 120 lbs, 8 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing a 9# baby out! ALL NATURAL and MED FREE!" Anyone who is able to give birth naturally I applaud you, women who give birth via c-section I applaud you. I don't fundamentally understand why there's this superior mentality women get if they birthed naturally and med free. Yes I get your happy for yourself but understand how condescending that can come off. I don't understand the emphasis on the Natural and med free part.

I know some women see c-sections as a failure and for those women who make women feel this way, shame on you. May you never experience your body giving you problems to that degree. To those who felt like a failure I'm so sorry that your birth has left you feeling that way. Please know you are no less of a women, and mother because of needing medical intervention. Your birth is no less significant than that of a natural birth. I know that for me it's hard to completely grasp the pain of not having the birth you envisioned. So this is why my sympathies go out to you. I'm sure comments like these sting more for you than they do for me.

I'm a mother who gave birth to her child via c-section. She was a smaller size but my body just wasn't wanting her to come out the natural way. I see my scar as a thing of beauty, that my body regardless was able to give life to this beautiful little girl. That my body nourished her for 9 months. Something that failed me 4 times prior. I know that fact in and of itself is a huge victory, as we had to face the facts that possibly even carrying a child wouldn't have been possible for us and I know unfortunately this is a reality for many women who go on to be such amazing parents who children born into their hearts while another person gave birth. The title of motherhood shouldn't be defined by how our children get here. It should be defined by how we care for our children from the day they're born until we leave this earth. It won't always be perfect, it'll be messy and things most certainly won't go the way we envisioned. This is a part of life. Do I have fleeting thoughts of 'what if'? Of course merely because I wonder what it feels like. It's not a passionate 'what if'. Just an "hmm I wonder." it's swiftly replaced with love and adoring thoughts because I see my daughter and everything regarding her birth just plain doesn't matter. She is what mattered and that was all.

C sections don't make you any less of a person, choosing to get an epi doesn't make you less stronger of a mother. I wish that this notion would fade away all together. You are a mother, and let others hear your roar. Don't let others make you feel horrible about your experience. I realize some women have traumatic births via natural means and c-section. I won't dismiss that at all and fully sympathize with you and am sorry for how your births went. Just know for me if I read any of your birth stories (I actually love reading birth story's) I take away from each story amazement. I'm amazed at each women's strength, in the beauty of their child being finally in their arms. I just come away with a full heart and delight.


With that I'd like to touch on another topic, the same but slightly different:

I wish that we as mothers would rally together instead of picking topics to segregate and bash each other on. No one style of parenting is right or wrong, it's called parenting styles for a reason. What style works for you may not work for another person. Just about the only topic that gets me heated is Vaccinations but that's a case where a parents decision could affect my child and loved ones directly. But everything else I just don't understand.

I knew before we got our sticky baby that there was such a thing as mommy wars. Little did I know how fierce it really was. The worst place I see it is online more so than in real life. It makes a mother wonder just how many people are sitting behind their screens, in private clubs judging or bashing another mother for her decisions. No one likes to be challenged on their parenting choices, because lets face it anything involving our kids is a passionate topic. What I don't understand is this need to just feel like you're the superior parent because you choose to do something different than another person.

We as a mothering society really need to pull our britches up, take the blinders off and become accepting of other parents choices. The only criteria that we should ever be on the look out for regarding someone esles children is forms of serious neglect.

How silly does it sound to get so bent out of shape how a child eats, or how a child sleeps, how they are born into this world? You realize how silly that is right? You're gi9ving a parent heck for feeding their child... I know many children whose parents don't care if they eat.

Mothering community, I know this little blog post won't reach many but for those who it does. Lets be a bit more accepting of each others choices and focus on the things that truly matter. Our children and the WELL BEING of those around us. Nothing more or less. Lets focus on offering support even if our choices weren't the same. It doesn't require you to have gone through the same thing to be supportive and sympathize with someone else. We're all amazing mothers with different styles, different choices. Thank you all for loving your children the way you do.

because everyone should have a dose of cuteness :)

-----------------
If you have a moment please click the following banner to vote for our blog. All you need to do is click the banner and it puts in a vote. No sign up required. Thank you!!!